to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
