i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
