I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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