Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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