fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her vagine was all disorganized.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
