I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
