Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
