Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
