My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
