yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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