And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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