im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
