he thought i was a dude.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
