Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
