shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
