weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
