omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
