She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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