wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
