I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize