He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
