It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
