Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
