Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
