I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
