White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
