do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
