I think I am morally bankrupt
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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