scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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