Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
