I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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