Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
