in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
