I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just high enough for therapy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
