We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You ate ashes out of my bong
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
