ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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