alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
