She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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