I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
