My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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