i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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