you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
