her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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