Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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