I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
