So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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