I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
