I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
