At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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