if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
