ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
