Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
