is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
