In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
