just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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