the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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