We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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