I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
