I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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