Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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