dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
