The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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