I understand Curling. That high.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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